i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
