i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
