that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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