No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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