I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize