i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
