oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize