Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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