I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
