OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
