My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
