Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
