Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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