I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
