she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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