Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
