I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
