you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
