And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
