i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
