Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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