You smell like stripper and shame
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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