I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
