i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
