If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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