TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
