Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
