Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
