ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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