It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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