you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
