I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
