Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am naked and annoyed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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