But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
