He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
