youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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