He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
