im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
