you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
