your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
