covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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