I didn't shave. On purpose
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
