"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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