put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
