nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize