Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
