Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize