i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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