is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
