well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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