I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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