I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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