weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I queefed so loud it echoed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
