Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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