She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize