he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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