I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
