I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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