dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
