I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
