I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
