Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You work out of a Hotel?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Alive.
So much puke
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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