just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize