is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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