non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
