so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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