if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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