Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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