you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
