I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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