Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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