I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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