This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
