you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
