So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
