i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
