Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
