ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
