He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
