I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
