God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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