Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
