You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
