Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
