i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
