Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
