It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
