She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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